# Squidget update!



## dnrslucky1 (Oct 13, 2005)

How to explain this? I do not know!
Squidget has had x-rays and biopsy, he is deformed but has a bacterial infection on his wings. I used the debrading spray on his wing tumors for over 2 months, they did stop growing but did not shrink in my opinion. I felt like he was sick of it,depressed and was doing worse. So I distanced myself from him, by stopping all meds and not holding him as I did! I still made sure he had plenty of food and offered him drinks 3 to 4 times a day. In my heart I was preparing for his little body to give up on its own! I know that sounds cruel, but in reality it is not. I felt as tho I was keeping him alive and it was not meant to be.
I felt his time was nearing when he wouldn't drink for me, but I would keep trying, I needed to go to work and he just refused to take a drink! I worried about him, while working! But I have missed many a day of work over him and he has cost me many a dollars of money!
To make a long story short, I found out he has learned to drink on his own, and seems to be flapping much more, maybe to get to his water! But the wing thingys are growing again!
He is molting also, his feathers are falling out like crazy, what little he has!
My last option, according to the vet is surgery on the wing tumors. But he told me it is very dangerous and Squidget may not live thru it.
I know this is a hard question for anyone, but should I let him fight it out on his own, he is happier and I think stronger being left alone. Or should I try the surgery and he may not make it thru. Sometimes I feel like he is happy being left alone, as in no meds or forcing things on or in him and other times I still feel as if I could do something to help him have a better life! I only want to do what is the best for him!
Sorry! I don't mean to put a burden on anyone else! Maybe I just needed to vent and get my feelings out! Who else would listen to me? Just this week, someone said to me, that bird has no life, why are you keeping it? I said, how do you know what his life is like, do you look in his eyes every morning? Does he look for you when you get home from work? Maybe I am selfish, I do not know!

Sorry again,
Denise


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## Pigeonpal2002 (Jul 27, 2002)

dnrslucky1 said:


> *Just this week, someone said to me, that bird has no life,* why are you keeping it? I said, how do you know what his life is like, do you look in his eyes every morning? Does he look for you when you get home from work? Maybe I am selfish, I do not know!
> 
> Sorry again,
> Denise



Hi Denise, 

I'm so sorry that you are still agonizing over this with poor Squidget I think that you've moved mountains for this little bird but it would appear to me, by now, that he's not going to get any better. You can medicate him, feed him, cradle him in your arms, but this isn't going to make him anything more than what he is. You know yourself that there is one problem after another.

I think all creatures have a very powerful will to live and as long as they don't have a disease that will kill them, then they will go on for as long as their bodies will allow. Saying this though, doesn't mean that they are happy or content. We as humans like to place our needs, emotions, desires onto animals and believe that they feel exactly the same way. We really have no idea how their emotions work or what they think...we can't communicate with them.

I personally feel that quality of life counts a great deal. Each animal is designed to do what they are meant to do in life. Pigeons like to fly, peck around on the ground, enjoy the company of other pigeons, find a mate, lay eggs, raise chicks. These are just things pigeons do naturally in life and to me, this is what would make them "happy". If a pigeon can't even walk, feed itself, fly, the simplest of things....then to me, it's merely surviving but not living.

This situation is still (unfortunately) in your hands, it's your cross to bear. Nobody can tell you what to do or how to handle this. Keep going with what your heart tells you and one day you will know what is best.

Keep strong and take care,


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## mr squeaks (Apr 14, 2005)

Oh, Denise, I am so sorry that you are still facing this dilemma!

Unfortunately, I don't know HOW to answer. I am not there with Squidget. That he's flapping his wings and is drinking on his own seems like a good sign.

How is he re-acting with you? Does he seem glad to see you? Is he eating? Is he alert? Is he growing new feathers?

I'm afraid that my answer will be like many others...the final decision will have to be up to you. 

Even if the surgery is a success, will these tumors come BACK?

Can you post another picture of Squidget? I know you two have been through so much.

I would think that if he doesn't eat or drink, seems listless and not interested in anything, that the "time to go" may be near. If not....give him more time?

We will ALL be behind you, whatever you decide. You and Squidget have captured our hearts and I know that any decisions you make will not be easy.

I can only send LOVE and WARM HEALING THOUGHTS to you both!

With love,
Shi


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## Feefo (Feb 8, 2002)

Hi Denise,

Are the tumours growing again because you stopped the meds? Would they stop if the meds restarted?

Would surgery on the tumours significantly improve her quality of life? Would the growth of the tumours significantly reduce it?

I really appreciate your desire to do the best for Squidget including ending her life if she is miserable, but I can't agree that there are quality criteria that must be met for any animal's desire to live to be respected. Like us they are all individuals. We know that some people will value their lives and fight for the right to live in the same circumstances that will cause others to fight in court for the right to die. I am certain that the same differences exist in the animal world.

An animal's eyes will usually reveal whether they are content, happy or miserable. Only you are able to look into Squidget's eyes to read this.


Cynthia


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## TAWhatley (Mar 6, 2001)

Dearest Denise and Squidget,

Bless the two of you .. you've both tried so very hard for so very long. Denise, I think you have done right to let Squidget try on his own. If that seems to be working and Squidget is happy .. yes, you will know by looking into those eyes and reading the body language .. then let it go until Squidget decides for himself whether to stay or to go.

These are always heart wrenching decisions to make, and unfortunately, you are the one that will have to make it unless the Squidge decides on his own.

I have an extremely old and disabled duck here right now that was in the care of my friend, Kiem. She freaked when Princess stopped eating and brought her to me to go and see Dr. Lee. The vet's prognosis was not good .. needs antibiotics, needs tube feeding, needs physical therapy .. well, Princess hates all these things and after a week, I decided to let Princess decide. We are now into week two, and Princess is holding on .. not doing well, but holding on and happier than she was. Every morning I expect to find Princess dead, but she hasn't been .. thus we are continuing on. I know that her days are numbered and that she will likely die while I am away this week (not because of lack of care but because she is CHOOSING her time and her WAY). She does not appear to be in pain nor in any distress .. just slowly slipping away .. I think this is how she wants to do it, so I shall let her do it her way. To take her to the vet again and have her euthanized is not the way she needs to go .. just my opinion.

Soooo .. let Squidge do his thing until he decides on his own, or you make the hard decision if you feel that he is no longer having any quality of life and is suffering.

Also just my opinion ..

Terry


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## Skyeking (Jan 17, 2003)

Hi Denise,

I'm so sorry to hear about Squidget's never ending health crisis, and bless you for everything you have done for him and continue to do for him.

Have you thought about stopping the meds completely and just giving him nutrition at this point?

I know I'm the one always harping on it, but I also have seen some hopeless situations turn around. Perhaps, as a last resort you might think about it? It might enable him to feel better and have some quality of life, where as the drugs are probably not doing anything for him anymore.

I have a product called Apis mellifica, a homeopathic, which my rehabber told me about, which is for healing of swelling, insect bites, and boils. She has used it on birds with boils on their wings, and it has seemed to work in many cases. There are a couple of other ones, like Ruta graveolens, which she recommended also, for muscles, joints, and tendons. 

Also, I would add some Sovereign Silver, a drop down the throat for infection, and the other anti-bacterials, and anti-funguls that are available.

Let me know if you would like more information, just give me a history and diagnosis on Squidget and his age, and I will also run it by my rehabber and see what she would recommend. You can email me if you would like.


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## Pidgey (May 20, 2005)

Well, Denise & Squidget,

What a long road we've come down together. As I think back and consider, I can neither keep my eyes dry nor breathe easily due to the lump in my throat. I don't have anything sage to add to what the others have already said. I will only say that if it was me, I would go ahead with the surgery because the growths will continue to expand. If he passes away in surgery, it will likely be because he chooses to under the anaesthetic.

Best wishes and I will respect any choice you make,

Pidgey


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## Pete Jasinski (Jan 2, 2005)

I personally would do anything it takes to keep that beautiful little pigeon with us as long as possible, every time I see your avitar Squidget's sweet face cheers me up. But, like everyone else said it's your choice and yours alone.


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## Feather (Dec 8, 2005)

Denise,

No one on this forum would pass judgement on you for whatever action that you took. Sqidget is your miracle, and only you know what life is truly like for you and Sqidget.

I would like to ask you just one thing though. Please don't stop holding him, if you want him to fight. I truely believe that it is your energy that you have passed to him that has kept him alive this long. The one thing that is for sure is that although he is unable to do the things that most pigeons do naturally, he has always had you. The love that you have shown him has made it worth it for him to go another day. Whatever action that you decide, please don't let him go it alone.

Bless You,
Feather


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## Birdmom4ever (Jan 14, 2003)

Denise, this is a really tough one. Others have given excellent advice and I can't add anything but my own opinion. All of us who have loved and cared for animals have been in this difficult position. Do we give up when they haven't yet given up? If we wait too long are we causing them to suffer needlessly? Are we keeping a compromised animal alive because we can't bear to see him or her go?

You have already gone way above and beyond with Squidget and it's amazing he has been here this long. I certainly wouldn't judge you, whatever you decide to do. 

From my own experience, there is a point where the animal is going on raw, instinctive will-to-live but has very poor quality of life. At that point I believe it's our duty to relieve them of their suffering. Their suffering in our care is unnatural in the sense that they would never get to that point in the wild, especially little "prey" animals like pigeons. They would die of exposure or be taken by a predator long before wasting away. 

As others have said, you know Squidget best and only you can assess his condition and how to treat him. If you and your vet don't feel he is suffering unduly, then maybe it's okay to let him choose the time of his departure. Or maybe further treatment will work and he will rally again. But it doesn't sound good. 

I've made the mistake of waiting too long and the bird suffered by slowly wasting away when it should have been painlessly put to sleep. I pray you will have wisdom in this situation. My heart goes out to you. I know it's a very difficult place to be.


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## mr squeaks (Apr 14, 2005)

Hi again, Denise...

I read Treesa's post and before you make a "final" decision, perhaps you could try her suggestions first. You and Squidget have everything to gain and nothing to lose. After all, when a "final" decision is made, that's the end.

I also agree with Feather...please do NOT stop holding him...

Do let us know how things are going and what you decide...

My reactions have been the same as Pidgey's...this post is a very difficult one because we have all been with you and Squidget from the "beginning." Of course, I know that our "hurt" is nothing compared to yours, but we'll always be here - with and for - you and Squidget!

HUGS AND LOVE


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## Feefo (Feb 8, 2002)

I just want to endorse Feather's plea to hold Squidget. You are such an important part of her life, whatever your final decision is your loving touch can only comfort and reassure. 

Cynthia


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## Maggie-NC (Jun 22, 2005)

Denise, you know I, too, have been pulling for both you and Squidget since the beginning. When I first read your post I didn't know what to say until I read Feather's post. She expressed my feelings so well. Whatever decision you make at least continue to pet and hold him. I don't think he would have made it this far without the love you have given him.

It is a hard decision to make but you are the one who has to see him every day and clean and care for him and wonder if he is suffering. All any of us on the forum can do is try to give you whatever moral support we can. I can't think of a bird that has been talked about on the forum that has generated the love and compassion that Squidget has. He is special to all of us because of his will to live and your loving heart in caring for him.


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## Cricket (Sep 1, 2005)

Denise and Squidget,
During the hardest times in my life, I must gently remind myself that these things are happening to me in my life because somehow I am capable of being the one to handle them. I strongly believe that your experience with Squidget and his with you, has been designed for both of you to benefit from. You have outdone yourself with this little being and his soul will be forever a part of you. Your love for eachother is a lesson to us all. I, like everyone else here who has read about your struggles and sucesses, have nothing but respect, empathy, love and gratitude for you both. You are both amazing survivors! How long can Squidget go??? only he truly has that answer, and when he is satisfied with his purpose here, he will let go. That is when you will need to let him go... This will unfold in its own magical way. You have earned your wings so to speak! and to just know people like you exist out there, makes it all worth living!!! We love you Denise... Squidget too. We only want what is best for both of you!!! We support you and admire you! Looks like a fork in the road... let Squidget lead you and follow like you have all along... lovingly... and while you venture, read your pigeon talk responses to your thread and gain strength to carry on. You, above all, can do this!!! We are all routing for you!


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## phyll (Mar 15, 2004)

Denise,
I'm sorry you are living with the uncertainty of knowing what to do for Squidget, but no one on this earth can be certain of the "right" answer.
You've put your heart & soul into helping him, so please try the products Treesa has suggested. They may be the answer for the wing boils, & he would feel so much better.

When I read that you distanced yourself from Squidget by not holding him as you did, my heart hurt for him.
I'm glad others have already mentioned this to you.

For Squidget's sake, please, please hold him again, & hold him often.
That sweet little bird deserves to be held & loved no matter what you decide for him.

May God bless you & Squidget!

Phyll


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## alaska (Mar 17, 2005)

I have not been here for some time, and when I saw a squidget update I could not get to this thread fast enough.
This tells me that no matter what you decide Squidget is and will always be a VERY SPECIAL PIGEON thats holds a special place in not only your, but all of us here at pigeontalks hearts.
I too have followed squidgets journey through you posts here on pigeontalk and have been barracking for squidget all this time.
I have to agree with what has already been said above that I feel it is very important that you stay close to little squidget no matter what, and that it truly is up to you to determine what is best, you know day to day how squidget lives and acts, you can look into squidgets eyes and 'see' how squidget is feeling. 
I know this Squidget is one of the strongest willed most determined little pigeons I think I will ever know of, and you most certainly are an amazing devoted carer that has gone above and beyond for this little pigeon.
If squidget has this operation will it totally remove these wing tumors?, are they life threatening to the point that this may be the only option to ensure little squidgets survival?
I agree with all aswell that whatever you decide to do none of us here would pass judgement on your decision. We all know you are an amazing person and that any decision you make is in the best interest of beloved little squidget.
Please keep us updated.
Kind Regards
Alaska


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## Larry_Cologne (Jul 6, 2004)

*Squidget*

Give little Squidget all the love you can, as best you can. Tell him others are concerned for him, too. He may not understand words, but he will understand what you are trying to convey: love and caring. And, how do you know he is not giving you more than you are able to give him? 

Sometimes I feel that I am doing something wonderful, magnanimous, generous, when I give a bit of food or medicine or care to a small creature. Then I have to reflect that my small gesture is small indeed in comparison to the gift, the opportunity which has been given me. I give some of my time, maybe a lot of it, but who has given me that time, who has made it possible for me to take these actions? I am truly grateful that I have been given the opportunities which have come my way. I see that so many people in these forums have had their lives truly enriched by the caring steps they have undertaken.

You can never give too much love to that which deserves it. It is in infinite supply.


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